I'm feeling rather nostalgic tonight. I have no idea what brought it on, and I really try not to be this way, but I often find myself in these little pockets of yearning, where I miss old times. I wish I could be more of an in-the-moment person, but I usually miss the past or excitedly anticipate the future. Why can't I simply enjoy the present more, and be fully grateful for my current life? And why do I never realize how wonderful a part of my life is until it's over? It isn't that I feel dissatisfied in my current situation; I truly love my life right now. It's more that I miss the people who have filtered in and out of my day-to-day activities.
I relate the people in my life to characters on a television show. Have you ever watched a show from beginning to end, the kind where the characters transition in and out? For example, Friday Night Lights - the characters that are featured in the beginning of the show are completely different from those featured at the end of the show, aside from a few staple characters. Or in the later episodes of The Office, when Michael and Kelly and Ryan are all gone, and it's so sad. And when you consider the beginning versus the end, you realize how much all the characters have changed and grown, and it's a good thing, but there are parts you miss about the beginning. (Have I lost you? I know, I know, this is so random, right?)
But the truth is, I wish life weren't so much like a TV show. I wish my friends all stayed fully present in my life, instead of transitioning in and out of focus. More often than not, it's geography that separates me from the people I love, especially since I haven't stayed in the same city more than two years since 2003. On one hand, I feel so lucky to have moved so often, because it widened my circle of friends that much more. I've met and loved so many people over the past ten years, people who have made huge impacts on my life. But with each move, there were friends I had to say goodbye to, people who I still love but don't get to experience day-to-day living with.
I think it's because of all this that I tend to refuse to let people lose touch with me. I still keep in touch with lots of people from high school, and still genuinely adore people that I've known since birth. And even though I don't talk to them every day, or even every month, I still treasure the random text, letter, or phone call that reminds me why these people are so important to me. I miss scaring Tiffany in our apartment, and going to Cold Stone with Annie, or to the bar by Fresno State with Beth, and walking around the park with Jacquie, and going to the bowling alley with Garrett and Briana, and all my other friends from lifeguarding at the pool. I miss meeting everyone at Taps in Petaluma, and family dinners at Paul and Lauren's, and singing Christmas songs with Abbey at Gilead. And now I've added Salem to the mix, and if we ever move away there will be people I'll be so sad to leave because I've just fallen in love with them.
And am I the only one who does this? Or do most people not move as often? I think some people are able to accept that people lose touch and people change and friendships change, but I'm not so good at that. I just want to keep everyone in my life, and I want to keep adding in more friends. And maybe that's why I blog, to try to feel a bit more connected to people that I no longer see every day.
Anyway, what a weird post, right? I fully intended on writing about baby fashion tonight (ha), but somehow I started missing a bunch of friends instead, and got feeling all sentimental. Just know that if we are friends, or have ever been friends, I miss you and wish that I could see you every day. And I'm glad you have played a role in my life, even if you aren't currently a returning character.
And now I'm wishing my life were actually a TV show, because how cool would that be?! But who would watch it, because these days all I do is make faces at Ellery and tell Sam how cute she is. Fun for me, but probably boring to watch.
And on that note, it's time for bed!